It is yet another hot night in Chiang Mai. The hot season is coming, you can feel it in the air, you can also see it – the light during the day is hazy, almost misty. The raising temperatures, the fumes from the exhaust pipes from ever present vehicles, and the burning of the nearby forests are causing it. They are also causing the irritation I can feel in my throat. I sometimes think that Asia will kill me one day.
I am refusing to acknowledge the upcoming hot season, and I am not putting on the air-con, nor the fan, which is hidden behind my small TV. I am tempted to take it out, but instead I am sitting at my desk and sweating. I heard that sweating is good for your skin. I also hope it is good for coming up with ideas.
I am suffering from what is known as the writer’s block. I spend my days and evenings in front of a laptop and try to think of something to write about. It is uncomfortable, frustrating, annoying…I do want to write, but I don’t know what I should write about. My brain is constipated.
I love writing. I can finally admit that and I can finally enjoy the pleasure it is giving me. I am shy to admit that I am a writer, but if not being able to write make me so unhappy then I guess I am a writer…
I don’t know what is causing the block. Maybe it’s the fact that I want to be a travel blogger, but I haven’t been away from Chiang Mai for almost a year now. I didn’t feel the need last year. I was perfectly happy with staying in Chiang Mai and enjoying the pollution here. I really didn’t want to move anywhere. I thought then that I wasn’t actually a nomad, and that I finally found my place on Earth.
Living and working here has become so natural and normal to me that I don’t feel like it’s anything special any more. I have my routine, every day is almost the same. I don’t find the sight of monks collecting food in the morning as something exotic, I pass palm trees (which are my favourite trees) every day and most of the time I don’t even notice them, I eat at the market and don’t savour the food like I used to. Am I bored? No, I don’t think that’s it. I think I have become a local.
Today I feel my gypsy nature waking up, yawning and saying ‘it’s enough, Joanna. It’s time to move. It’s been too long’. So, I am also waking up and searching the internet, trying to find a place to go. Until then I will try hard to come up with some stories, so the blog doesn’t die.